That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Randomize
