I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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