you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
