dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
