I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
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