He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Randomize
