and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Randomize
