She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
