At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Randomize