Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
What a fucking waste of an outfit
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
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