I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Randomize
