She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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