Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Randomize
