that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Randomize
