i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
