You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
