u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
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