Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
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