Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
I want a musical about memes.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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