I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Randomize
