Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
