They should really pass out barf bags in church
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
