Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
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