Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
what is it with giant penises always finding me
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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