Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
