I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
