Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
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