he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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