My pussy is not your playground.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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