I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
You ruined the universe
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
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