Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
