I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
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