i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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