I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Randomize
