A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
i think i scared a bird with my dick
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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