My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
