I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Randomize
