were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize
