She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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