I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
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