i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Randomize
