She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
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