He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
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