8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
