So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
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