Since when is my name a synonym for head?
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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