I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Randomize
