remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
