You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize
