Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Randomize
