Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Randomize
