ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
