Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
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I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
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Regret, thy taste is box wine.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
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