I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
