Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
