her vagina looked like bernie madoff
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
