his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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