this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
